My mother left soon after I was born. I will never know all the details of what happened, since she passed before I had a chance to meet her. My father did not live with me until I was a young teenager. I grew up with few privileges surrounded by caretakers who were not prepared to be guardians. Expressions of feelings were neither encouraged nor mirrored, and I remember being extremely shy as a result. Perhaps the lack of living space also deterred movement, hence the action center part of me was not nurtured. My mind became the only space I had to run free and be myself. Almost by process of elimination, a Type Five (Investigator) archetype soon emerged.

Consistent with the core trait of Type Fives, a scarcity mindset developed from a fear of losing what little I had. Hoarding – onto my father, money, time, and other seemingly non-replenishable resources – was a habit I adopted early in life. Being self-sufficient – financially, emotionally, mentally, physically – was for survival, not personal development or higher consciousness. That psyche permeated throughout all aspects of my being, until I became more self-aware with the help of the Enneagram.

Only in the last few years did I realize how my childhood experiences had impacted my mind, heart, and body. As a socially oriented Five subtype, I initially tried to fill my void with academic grades, then corporate titles, and other worldly validations. Since seeking professional help, I have addressed some difficult core issues in my life.

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The way I have managed personal investing reflects the personal growth I have had. I started out investing only in government treasuries due to a real fear of taking risks, then over the years pivoted to become more open-minded, seeking an equilibrium among new learnings, higher returns, and measured prudence. Changes to my portfolio composition over the years reflect my personal evolution. With confidence growing, and inspiration from alternative perspectives, I have adopted more Type Seven (Enthusiast) and Type Eight (Challenger) traits to become bolder. No longer just motivated by fear, I want to create a different future for myself, one that is not tied to the ghost of my past but driven by a future that lies in the present hands of my inner child and mine.